Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
