i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
