This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i love accidental penises.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
