Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
