There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
