News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My pussy is not your playground.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
