I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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