his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
