That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
