I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
