I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
