god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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