Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love accidental penises.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
