dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
