my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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