He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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