first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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