We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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