My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
