he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
