me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
