dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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