sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
