"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
