On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize