then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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