maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
