so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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