I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
