dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
