my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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