sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
