You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
