Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Someone came in the potted fern
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
