So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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