Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
