Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
