how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
