So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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