Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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