My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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