Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
