We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
