take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
