if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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