i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
