my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
