Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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