My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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