it's not cheating when I paid for it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize