I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
