She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Randomize
