your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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