it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
