A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
