Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
