I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize