cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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