MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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