I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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