My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize