guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
