I need help removing her.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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