She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
