The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bring me that man meat
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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