Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
