All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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