I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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